Saturday, September 26, 2009

Your personal zombie attack plan

Like millions of people who live in/around Sydney, I ``enjoyed'' waking up to a post-apocalyptic red dawn last week, as well as a slightly brown dawn on the weekend.
Amid all the excitement, and coughing, I was chatting with a few mates and we naturally ended up discussing our personal survival plans in case of zombie attack in the event of an apocalyptic event.
Now most people I know (perhaps a comment on the people I know!) seem to have some form of plan to help them survive a massive zombie onslaught.
My basic theory is, you never go into the heavily-fortified compound, because there is always a traitor/fool/fatal flaw that will expose it to zombie infiltration. And once the zombies are in, there's no escape.
Naturally I think it's best to head for wide-open, isolated spaces where you can see them coming (and keep on running) and Australia is brilliant for this.
Of course, it does depend a little on the type of zombie. If it is a viral, rage-frenzied zombie type from 28 Days Later, then obviously you would just have to survive for a couple of months, until they die of hunger.
If it is the mutated, I Am Legend-type zombies, it's even easier. Firstly, they are all CGI and, without powerful computers, wouldn't exist to bother you. Second, all you'd have to do is find a spot where there's no shade (easy enough in Oz) for further than a zombie can walk at night, as they cannot survive UV rays.
Now, if we're talking old-school Dawn Of The Dead zombies who survive on human flesh and can only be killed by having their brains wrecked, then you need to be able to see the slow-moving suckers coming.
If they're the REALLY dumb types, from Shaun Of The Dead, then all the better. If they ever arrive that far west, they'll also be a source of amusement as you watch them bumble around. Sort of like seeing strange tourists trying to find their way around, or the token dumb American couple on The Amazing Race.
Whatever, a large cattle station out in the middle of Australia sounds perfect for all types, giving you self-sufficiency, space to see them coming - and many already have CCTV to allow the farmers to check on stock.
Of course, getting there safely is another matter!
But a mate thinks you need to find an abandoned underground bunker (well, there's surely a few secret US bases around in the outback), while others say cave systems are the go.
Anyway, if the next red dawn brings out the zombies, I'll be ready.
The only flaw in my plan is if someone reads this, gets zombified, then decides to come looking for me ...

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